Is it Safe to be Myself?

Today, we’re diving deep into a topic that resonates with many of us: the concept of safety, but not just in the physical sense. We’re exploring whether it’s safe to be ourselves, to be honest, and to express our true identities.

When we think of safety, we often think about physical safety—like avoiding dangerous situations or harmful people. While that’s certainly important, today we’re focusing primarily on emotional and psychological safety. How did we arrive at a place where we question if it’s safe to be our authentic selves? This wound often starts in childhood.

Many of us have experiences from our early years that shape our understanding of safety. For instance, think about children who feel they cannot express themselves fully because their caregivers might not respond with compassion. This can manifest in various ways, from overt situations—like a queer child fearing disownment—to more subtle instances where a child feels their thoughts or feelings aren’t welcomed.

Consider a child who is boisterous and noisy but constantly told to “be quiet”. Over time, they may learn to hide their joyful, expressive self to maintain the approval of their caregivers. This is where the seeds of self-doubt and fear of rejection are sown.

So, what does it feel like when we ask ourselves, “Is it safe to be me?” This internal dialogue is crucial. It’s about recognizing whether we feel secure enough to acknowledge and show all parts of ourselves. Do we feel shame when we think about sharing certain aspects of our identity or experiences? If the answer is yes, it’s a sign that we need to do some internal work.

Many of us carry an internalized sense that certain parts of us are “not okay.” This can stem from formative experiences where we learned to hide parts of ourselves to maintain connection or avoid conflict. When we internalize this belief, it can feel like there’s a constant threat to our emotional safety. We might think, “If I show this part of myself, people will leave me.”

It’s essential to recognize that these feelings are learned, not inherent. We all start life as our true selves, free from the constraints of societal expectations. The journey to reclaim that authenticity often involves unpacking these internalized fears.

Once we begin to address our internal fears, we can start evaluating our external environments. Is it safe to be honest in specific situations and relationships? Can we express our true selves without fear of rejection? This evaluation is crucial but can be challenging.

It’s vital to differentiate between situations where it’s genuinely unsafe to be ourselves and those where we can test the waters. For example, someone might feel they can’t be open about their non-monogamous lifestyle around their parents because their parents disapprove. In this case, it may not be safe to be honest, and this is not the situation to start experimenting with allowing your hidden parts to be seen.

Understanding the context of our relationships is key. It’s about finding spaces where we can express ourselves without fear of backlash. This requires discernment and sometimes a gradual approach to opening up.

When we think about sharing more vulnerable aspects of ourselves, it can be daunting. The fear of rejection often looms large. However, it’s important to approach vulnerability as a process. Start small. Test the waters by sharing less risky parts of yourself and observe how they are received.

Let’s say you’re hesitant to share that you often let the dishes pile up in the sink. This could be a small piece of yourself you feel ashamed of. Try sharing that with someone you trust. If they respond with compassion, it can open the door for sharing deeper parts of yourself. This gradual testing can help build a sense of safety.

Now, it’s crucial to acknowledge that for some, past experiences of abuse can complicate this journey. Often, vulnerability can feel like a double-edged sword; moments of closeness can precede episodes of betrayal or abuse, and vulnerability is often weaponized and targeted in abusive relationships. This can create a significant challenge in trusting that it’s safe to be open again.

If you’ve experienced abuse, it’s understandable that you might struggle with vulnerability. It’s essential to go at your own pace and allow yourself the time to rebuild trust—both in yourself and in others. Remember, it’s okay to take things slow.

In navigating these complex feelings and experiences, seeking professional support can be incredibly beneficial. A Holistic Family Consultant can help you unpack these fears and guide you through the process of healing and rebuilding your sense of safety.

It’s important to remember that not everyone in your life will have the tools or understanding to support you in this journey. Seeking help from someone trained in these matters can provide you with the insight and skills you need to feel safe being yourself.

Ultimately, the goal is to create environments—both internally and externally—where you feel safe to be your authentic self. This might mean surrounding yourself with supportive friends, partners, and communities that celebrate your uniqueness.

Look for spaces where you feel accepted and appreciated for who you are. Whether it’s joining a support group, finding a community of like-minded individuals, or simply spending time with friends who uplift you, finding your people can significantly enhance your sense of safety.

As we wrap up, remember that the journey to feeling safe being yourself is ongoing. It takes time, patience, and self-compassion. There will be ups and downs, but each step you take toward embracing your true self is a victory.

So, ask yourself: what small step can you take today to feel a little safer in your skin? Whether it’s sharing a small piece of yourself or seeking out a supportive community, you deserve to live authentically and joyfully.

Thank you for joining me on this exploration. I look forward to connecting with you more as we continue this journey together!

Made with VideoToBlog using my original video is it safe to be myself.mp4 I use AI to create a written resource for those who find reading more accessible than watching a video- because I find speaking much easier to engage in than writing.